Most Life

by The Waterboatman

supported by
/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

      £3.99 GBP  or more

     

1.
2.
3.
03:57
4.
5.
6.
05:41
7.
8.
9.
02:48

about

A self-indulgent 9 track exploration of the self, and how this self fits within the world. Inspired mostly by my time volunteering in an animal sanctuary, in spain.

thank u for checkin it x

credits

released April 1, 2016

All music and lyrics by Brook Laing.
Additional guitars on tracks 1, 2 and 3 by Thom Pankhurst.
Additional vocals on tracks 1, 2 and 3 by Lisa Eaton.
Guitars on track 5 by Robert Scott.
Artwork by Jack Waddington.
Recorded and produced by Brook Laing.
Mastering by Tony James @ Fenn Audio.

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

The Waterboatman Bristol, UK

contact / help

Contact The Waterboatman

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: Apricot Pilgrim
she asked me to change my relationship status
i told her i would but it made me anxious
i know, i know.
like if i actually changed my relationship status
then this would be real and then real things could shatter,
i know. i'm just afraid that this will end.

so i filtered the rest of my energy reserve
to the little things that reduced my nerves
and i helped assemble a vegetable patch
the other volunteers and i shared a good laugh
i'd never used a power tool before.
i'd never felt useful before
and after, i laid under the baking sky and i cried into my copy of the outsider (by camus)

we drove out to a hidden waterfall
it felt huge but also so small, you know?
i jumped from the ledge and the water was freezing
and i was so aware of my own heart beating, you know?
but i knew that this would end.

but i felt a sense of permenance that
nothing would ever be permenant
from the fleeting use of the vegetation
to the ancient art of irrigation.
i'd never jumped from a ledge before
i'd never felt meaningless before
but when i lay under that waterfall i'd never laughed harder.

so what? if im anxious?
so what? if we shatter?
so what? if the world fucks up?
so what? i don't matter?
well hey, i got that waterfall
and hey, i got the outsider
and hey, i've got that jump
and hey (i've got her)

so what? if i'm broke?
so what? if people know?
so what? if i fucked it all up?
so what? if i'm alone?

well hey, i've got that waterfall
and hey, i've got the outsider
and hey, i've got that jump
and hey, (i've got her)

so what? if my dad doesn't call?
so what? if we all die?
so what? if we all die?
so what? if we all die

Well hey, (i've got her)
and hey, (i've got her)
and hey, (i've got her)
and hey, (i've got her)
Track Name: Figs
well i read-read-read-read all the books on the absurdities of living
and i cast-cast-cast them each as hooks to structure me some meaning
but there's only so much building to be done with words
when books cost me money and i've got rent to afford
so i mechanised my wimpish dreams to something slightly more efficient
sacrificed a couple friends 'cus i thought that they were the issue
but that's been no help.
and it's just insincere.

well you know lonely.
and you know beautiful
and you know where both kinda weirdly sorta meet.
and i've been distant
i've been trapped in my own head
and i've done things that one day i know i'll regret.

I am a child that screams for his mother
(I am a little baby boy.)
I am the pillow to smother your lover.
(that one you know you wanna try)
I am the laugh caught in your throat
when you know that you've failed and everything glistens.
I am the universal sign for when you've said too much
so wish security goodbye. (bye)

Well i found-found-found a way to live by acting like a person
and i think i've been convincing (I don't know who's noticed)
but i'm faking something fictional and i guess that's quite pathetic
like i told myself a joke but i just didn't quite get it

well you know lonely.
and you know beautiful
and you know where both kinda weirdly sorta meet.
and i've been distant
i've been trapped in my own head
and i've done things that i'm starting to regret.

I am a child that screams for his mother
(I am a little baby boy.)
I am the pillow to smother your lover.
(that one you know you wanna try)
I am the laugh caught in your throat
when you know that you've failed and everything glistens.
I am the universal sign for when you've said too much
so wish security goodbye. (bye)

I am the dead cat you walked past this morning
I am a drowning old frog.
I am the flowers growing out of her body
I am the cloud above a fog.
I am the tears thrown out at the sky when everything fails and nobody listens.
I am the fire burning down my friends house.
I am afraid of god. (god)
Track Name: Blanket (Tent Dream I)
i woke up in the middle of an ice-cold sweat
and i felt you there, i felt you there
tight-skin, syrup eyes
reminding me i could only push this boulder up so high
before it falls down again
like you did into my head
like i did into your pillow
soft swill, landfills of thought.

and with a shrill wimpering the penny dropped
(down the well)
i found a something-ness in loss
(down the well)

so i resigned to the sweetness of the apricot trees
i don't feel you there, in these memories
cold drinks on the hot ground
echoes blanketing from birds all around.
they sang hymns:

cluttered with a higher meaning.
hymns flattered with a grand plan
i found truth in their wings beating.
oh wait, that's just my ceiling fan...
hymns cluttered with a higher meaning.
hymns flattered with a grand plan.
i found truth in their wings beating.
but it was just my ceiling fan, so i went back to sleep.
Track Name: Bird Wings and Black Liqourice
sometimes
i watch the dust dance
in the columns of sunlight
stabbing through
the room

and just like that
i'm 8 years old again.
the world is clumsy
and beautiful
and new.

but now, my body is sparkling
my shoes are filled with blood
and it's all too much.
Track Name: Vail
I guess this is where I am now.
I guess i’ve got so much more to go
Like that horrible ugly cliche that life’s a journey or whatever else they moan.
I mean, I eat a lot better now and go on midnights walks but is that growth?
My body is young i can’t complain but the voice in my head goes

I wonder where i will be when
happiness finds me will i
Be holding someone’s hand at church
or wiping a babies face clean of dirt
I wonder where i will be when
I feel like a real human being will i
be closing coffins or on my way to see my kids just like every weekend?

More like every other weekend…

And I remember the late nights with james when we laughed how we’d never see our 18th.
Like a weird kind of cosmic conspiracy would cause some car to chase down our small feet.

And whatever he’s doing now,

I wonder where i will be when happiness finds him will he
be holding someone’s hand at church or
Wiping a babies face clean of dirt or
I wonder where i will be when
He starts to feel like a real human being will
I be closing coffins or on my way to see my kids just like every weekend..?

I wonder where i will be when happiness finds me will i
be holding someones hand at church or
wiping a babies face clean of dirt or
I wonder where i will be when
I start to feel a real human being
will i be closing coffins or on my way to see my kids just like every weekend.
Track Name: Sapphire Eyes, for Pixie (Tent Dream II)
I had a dream that I worked in a slaughterhouse
I had snake teeth and sapphires for eyes
There were fish-hooks in my ribs
and i was being pulled into the machines
But there was no part left for me to kill
I know, cus i tried
I tried

I felt a new mornings warmth in the company of the pigs
I pulled figs and apricots from the trees, and we shared
They were gentle, and loving, and peaceful, and free
And it felt, it felt almost holy
holy

I want something better (x lots)

Something more, i've felt this before:
Will i die young and have i lived at all?
and will i know the difference?
Maybe i'm not meant to
Or maybe it's both

The sun blurs me out of time
my skin was never quite enough of an outline
I think of shaving my head almost every day now
Every day now
Every day now

"So i resigned to the sweetness of the apricot trees
I don't feel you there, in those memories
Cold drinks on the hot ground
Echoes blanketed from birds all around
They sang hymns:
Cluttered with a higher meaning
Hymns flattered with a grand plan
I found truth in their wings beating
But that was just my ceiling fan, so I went back to sleep"

I want to be better. I want to be more
Track Name: An Apology for Hiding
Old friend: sit with me.
Let's talk about the things that keep us from sleep.
And you'll say that you have no direction.
And i'd laugh, but i'd silently agree.

And I'd find a way to move your words around me to give me some use.

Dear Friends: I'm sorry.
I've gotten so bad at replying.
But it's hard to start conversation, when we both know I'm not as kind as I used to be.

And i'm trying to work on it.
To stop being so selfish.
I'm trying to work on it.
Because I forgot how to miss you.

i miss you, i miss you